Day 22

Ugh.I can't believe it.I have to do behind the wheel tomorrow._Gulp

Which in translation means I have to BS my 40hrs. cause I didn't write anything down.

And it starts at 6:30 no less.

Wonderfull....

And on the l'adore front.

A certain somvone asked me to meet him yesterday.But I didn't.Go me!

Which must have given me some good karma points b/c I kinda-sorta-maybe kissed a very special somvone.EEE!I was slightly exstatic the rest of the eve.Mainly b/c I felt that certain current run through me like it used to.Which gives me the slightest bit of ^hope

Which is something I definitly need.

_{"And they danced to a Dixie Lullaby, a picture of love beneath the Southern sky..."}

 ~ Let me paint my dream for you ~

I'm at Jordan's church and all of 'us' are there.Like it was for that siminar we all went to.But this time I'm teaching the guys to 2-step.(that's how i knew it was a dream) I guess it's for Scouts 'cause they're all in uniform. Me and Jordan start the music and demonstrate how to waltz.We pair them up and they goof off for a while before I yell at them to take it seriously.Then they do and we get their moms to dance with them. I mutter something about 'where's my camera' and Jordan laughs.Then I teach them how to waltz or try to.JOrdan complains that she's too short to be paired with me and grabs Nathan.I back away and instead push Nathan an Jordan together. She shrugs and starts to waltz while I show the rest of them.In an instant it's forgotten and they waltz while the adults laugh.They finish up and on of the moms says theres food in the hall for them to eat.They all rush away leaving me alone.And it's like they forget Im there-even Jordan.All im left with is a small lamp and the radio.The cold wind blows through me and I realize Im back to where I started from.A tear slides down my cheek and then the hall door opens.He walks in and I wipe my eyes and try to clean up.But then 'Dixie Lullaby' comes on and I look at him and smile.He asks if I like this song and I nod.He walks over to me and we begin to waltz.And then suddenly were not at church anymore were in the field behind my house. And then were at his house and in his room.He tells me to lay down and go to sleep and that he's going to work on the truck.So I lay down on my side and go to sleep and when I wake up im in my own bed...with his scent on me.

*yawn*

Im tired.

I won't here yesterday because I slept until 11.

*shrugs*

[Total Eclipse of the Heart]

'(Turn around, bright eyes!) Every now and then I fall apart...And I need you now tonight,and I need you more than ever!'

=changes song=

[Teardrops on My Guitar]

'She's got every thing I have to live with out'

ugh.nooo...

=changes song=

[Skoal Ring]

'Don't need no diamond ring.Don't want a bunch of bling-bling.The only thing I really need is a man with Skoal ring.'

DAMNIT!

=CHANGES SONG!=

[I'll Wait For You]

'This aint nothin' new-sweetheart, I'll wait for you'

Alright I give up.Why is it that when you miss someone-all the f-ing songs remind you of him/her?Is this some sort of sick torture? And that last song gives me goosebumps.It was our newest song.

'And I'll tell saint Pete I can't come in, without my love and my best friend.Oh this aint nothin' new.Sweetheart-I'll wait for you...'

The importance of this song was that we were goin to Ryan's party and were arguing in the truck.I was upset that he would never tell me what was goin on in his head.But his reasoning was that he just couldn't.But we made up just before we got there and I can still see him looking at me,the sunlight behind him.Telling me he was caught in my beautiful eyes.I shrugged it off but he grabbed my hand and told me he loved me.And this song came on and we both sang it.The resonance from his voice told me he meant every word-it brought tears to my eyes.

After 3 weeks without him...Im just now listening to it again.And everytime I do hear it I get that ache in my chest.

Kelly is complaining at the computer again.

When will she learn that it doesn't listen?

But I made record timing in developing film today.So Im up here for a few b4 I have to go to Mr.Angel's Zoo._{don't ask}

Im incredibly tired.Even though all I did was cut grass at g-ma's.Daddy finished the septic at the house so we can get on with putting the foundation.Yay...

And I know he want's me to recruit the rest of the rednecks to help w/the building.THAT should be intersting enough.Especially with you-know-who around.

Forever Broken

*

"I don't love you-like I loved you yesterday"

All these things change,die,or move away

Forever my sorrow and

Forever my pain

Knowing I was in love and letting go again

I don't know my purpose

Im confused and need to grieve

I wanted to stop it but instead...

I just watched you leave

*

Have you ever regreted letting that one guy/girl go?

Don't you wish you could turn back time and instead of watching them leave,with your heart broken, you would have done something about it?And yet you hear that little sage in your head..

'Everything happens for a reason'

Jealousy consumes me like a cremation flame

The poison spreads keeps and I can't bear the pain

My heart still remains in his hands

As he feeds the fire with what were once our plans

The ties that bind me are Hurt, Betrayal, and Fear

But I won't struggle-Let the flames come near

It's a price I knew I'd sometime pay

It's what I get for giving my heart away

Mind and Body-intact-yet weak

I fall victim to a future percieved bleak

I don't give up, but I give in

And soon enough my ashes will be scattered to the wind

But where I am now I will ever stay and enjoy the view

The worst part of it all is that Im still without you...

I love firexinxaxcan 

AKA:Kelly 

Ah-0! Honeybutt wrote in la notebook.

It's gonna snow.

_{ha.he'll kill me if he ever reads this.=]}

Im soooooo freakin' bored.And ready to get outta this place.Tomorrow is our 'demi jour' and then it's goodbye torture hello sunshiny week off.But really-bordom is dreadfull.I even put the 1st chapter of my latest story in ficpress.

_{http://www.fictionpress.com/secure/live_preview.php?storyid=2337794&chapter=1}

Yesterday was fun tho.Especially gym/end of the day.Moi, Ambuh, Kenny-wayne, and Tommy walked around the track and talked about alcohol and ice cream piercings and cart-wheels.And then we went in and I got to curl up in the crook of Nathan's arm.

ARG!!

I have this song stuckded in my head!!ow...It's 'Settlin'' by Sugarland

I keep singing the chorus over and over and over......

It won't go away.

I shoulda put on that effing CD i gave him.That way I won't be the only one miserable.

I can't wait for Friday!

MUDBOG!!!

_YAY!

<Ah-la-no!>

Nathan better not have gone on that field trip!

And ,FYI,the Hooters thing went wonderfully.=]

And so did Ryans party.Although I was disapointed that I only got to ride w/him 2X.But coming home was interesting enough cause:

1. We had to be home b4 10:30
2. We _'almost' got stuck
3. We got lost..ish

Ah.Gooooood times.

But yeah.And we got to talk/yell/make up.Which is what we do best._*shrugs*

And OH!He owes me one for helping him set up Limewire^TM.So i might cash in that favor soon.And he finally got me to drive the 4wheeler!But I didn't get to work the clutch which could be a good thing.It was fun.But don't tell him I said that.=] He still thinks Im terrified.But Im warming to the idea.

I still need alot of practice.

But as long as he's there-helping me-I'll sit there and enjoy it.

Cause every moment I get with him is a moment I won't forget.

I love him.

Ah-mah-gah!

I can't wait untill this afternoon!

It's HOOTERS time!!!

And then,tomorrow, I get to spend the day with Nathan ^[Fence].

Which means _*gulp* that I get to drive la 4-wheeler.oy.

What kinda messes do I get myself into?

JJ & VA better be able to go tomorrow.I don't wanna be the only girl there!Especially cause whenever you add boyfriend + his bestfriends it usually =

T-R-O-U-B-L-E

Not that I mind that it's just he acts slightly differnt when its all of us vs. me & him,just the 2 of us._Duh.

Ah,I really don't wanna take this test in English. Though I looooove

Cyrano de Bergerac_<3

And I hope Nathan-o rembered-o to write-o in la notebook-o!Grr...

And I need to give him his '08 ring back,it's hurting my finger!_{*trys to pull off ring*}

uh-oh...

_{*pulls really hard*}

DAMNATION!

_{*ring flies off hand and hits the wall*}

oops...

He wont notice...egh_*shrugs*